In newyorkerhumor, Amazon rolls out a new meditation app for its employees.
Blink rapidly eighteen times to skip the ad. Blink rapidly seventeen times to hear the ad twice, and nineteen times to purchase a ManCave™ Combination Cooler and Beverage Dispenser through InstantPay. Just $199.99, plus shipping.Take another deep breath, and prepare for a calming visualization. You are alone, walking slowly through a dark, quiet forest. This is the Amazon—the other one, obviously. The tree one. We haven’t been there, personally, but we’re sure it’s great.
To help you keep those annoying, communist thoughts at bay, a pair of ZeroSound™ 4E Noise Cancelling Headphones in Mountain Dew Green has been added to your cart. To remove, shake your head vigorously while also nodding exactly thirty-two times.Your scheduled mental-health session has now ended. Please enjoy a complimentary hug from our Mindfulness Bot, and we’ll see you next week for your totally optional but also extremely mandatory meditation experience.
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