PCOS forced me to confront my idea of what it means to be feminine.
. Next I park myself in front of the lighted magnifying mirror and pull out every little black hair I can find. I have to put a time limit on this stage or my face will be red and blotchy from aggressive examination. Finally, if Ifeel too fuzzy, I lightly scrape my upper lip and cheeks with a tiny eyebrow razor. The fun colors and feminine face on the package reassure me that these blades are fun products for ladies…as unfeminine as it feels to shave my face.
But that’s not the half of it. Other symptoms of PCOS include irregular periods, acne, insulin resistance, and infertility. But the real kicker I’m reminded of every time I look in the mirror is that PCOS can also cause hair, thanks to an excess of androgens pumping throughout our bodies. Over one in five women with PCOS have androgenic alopecia, according to aThe culprit behind my faint beard and thinning hair are androgens—hormones including testosterone which are often categorized as male.
My self-esteem tanked as I frantically started testing any product I could get my hands on to conceal my hair loss—powders that make hair look thicker, clip-in hairpieces to blend in with my own hair, topical solutions that promised to help my thinning strands regenerate. But after my second postpartum shed, concealers weren’t enough: IThen there were the chin hairs. I had a few stray sprouts when I was younger, but pregnancy caused a full-on super-bloom.
It’s not just the attack on typically feminine definitions of beauty—PCOS also impacts what society tells us is one of the most fundamental elements of womanhood:. It took seven years and many, many fertility treatments before I was finally able to get pregnant. My fertility struggles felt like an inability to “accomplish” womanhood, which was reinforced every time I looked in the mirror.
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