'It is a death knell for the relationship and one of the most common causes of resentment.'
"...which I did. We did a lot of staring longingly into each other’s eyes that Sunday. I know this because my wife has a degree in marriage and family counseling.""Boundary violations. Testing boundaries a little bit is okay, but repeatedly violating boundaries is a big red flag. Folks, knowing your boundaries, how to set them, and how to maintain them are so very important to your own personal well-being. Beyond that, learn how to respect other people's boundaries.
"For example, maintain your routine. If you go to bed at 9 p.m. and wake up to work out at 5 a.m., maintain that. A decent person will respect that, but a non-decent person will try to bulldoze through it. It might look like, 'Stay up talking with me, I'm lonely,' or, 'It's romantic to talk all night.' If you aren't a teen, it isn't cute. It actually makes you too tired to be present and critically reflective of the relationship.
If they are teasing and making fun of your routine, you probably don't have the same values. It isn't about who is right or wrong, you probably aren't on the same page. Other good ones to pay attention to are 'cute things' that violate a boundary: 'Hey, I have my kids this weekend, so no in-person time. I will only spend time on my phone after the kids go to bed at 8 p.m.' Then, guess what, the person 'cutely' surprises you with a coffee. I'd give this a one-time pass , and their response to being called out will tell you so much.""Triangulation of the kids.
"Now, imagine if your parents set consistent rules for you and gave you the choice to behave or misbehave and receive a predictable, reasonable consequence. You're going to know where you stand and be less anxious because you feel in control.""Refusing to make a decision about whether you want to be in the relationship or not. For instance, I was doing sessions twice a week with one couple, and we had gotten absolutely nowhere in six months.
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