'I worked so hard to pay off my house early and I feel like he’s taking advantage of that.'
My fiancé and I live together. I own the house and he pays me $500 a month. The bills for the house are very low and come out to about $300 a month, so essentially he’s paying $200 in rent. He thinks that once we get married he shouldn’t have to pay rent anymore, and that we should split the bills evenly. He’s also stressed because he has accrued some debt since we’ve been together, which is partly why he thinks he should pay less.
That said, your concerns about marrying someone who doesn’t have his financial ducks in a row — or anywhere near yours — are valid. I’m sure you’ve heard horror stories about women who, 40-plus years into a marriage, are still clinging to false hopes that their spouses will make more money, spend less, stop “investing” in harebrained business schemes, or worse.
But a prenup could also exacerbate the underlying problem, which is that you have expectations for your fiancé that he may never meet. “Prenups work best when they are as equal as possible,” says Amanda Clayman, an L.A.-based financial therapist. “If one person feels disempowered, or feels disrespected by the process, it can be quite damaging to the relationship.”
While you’re at it, think about where your assumptions about marriage are coming from. Did your dad always make more money than your mom, for instance? Did your mom always want you to settle down with someone wealthy? Did your favorite aunt tell you that never, under any circumstances, should you marry someone in debt? In the context of your own relationship, these models for marital success may not really make sense, or deserve the weight you’re giving them.
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