Building on her viral 2020 Granta essay, Amy Key’s lyrical new memoir Arrangements in Blue chronicles a life mostly lived without romance. Here, she talks about shame and the power of solitude
about the ongoing evasion of romantic love in her life that went suddenly, unexpectedly viral. It was late in the year, following months of lockdowns and closed doors and small, tense spaces, and the kind of yearning that Key was describing – the quiet, insistent, savaging kind – struck right at the heart of a, Key’s appropriately named essayttempted to negotiate decades of unfulfilled desire, and the harm that prizing one form of intimacy above all others can wreak.
AB: You write about aloneness as its own mode of intimacy, rather than an absence. Was that something you were consciously trying to implement?I recognised that the opportunity I’ve had for solitude is really precious. To be on your own and find distraction and pleasure and interest in your own company – for some people that feels really scary – so I really value that I can.
AB: It’s interesting the way you think about your solitude as an ability to do things. It reminds me of the subtitle of the book, ‘Notes on Love and Making a Life’ – the way love is a passive thing we wait for, but making a life requires deliberate work. And I think all those things compounded. There’s an amazing Emily Berry poem where she talks about how her shame rolls around on the floor and attracts bits of dirt. That’s how I was feeling. I felt like the only antidote was bringing all that into the light.
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