Many men are conditioned to just say 'I'm fine' when things get tough, or to emotionally disconnect altogether. Criticizing their stoicism won't get them to open up—but these approaches might, writes JettStonePhd
Emotional guardedness isn’t specific to males, yet we can tailor creative approaches by considering their unique make-up and masculine norms. Below are three non-traditional, non-shaming strategies to elicit vulnerability that I’ve gathered from psychotherapy, colleagues, and my experience as a man prone to silence.What appears to be toxic self-reliance is sometimes an over-learned response of easing conflict through containment.
Males compete as a precursor to bonding too, and those who coolly perform under pressure are elected leaders and earn trust. In the boyhood arena, concealing vulnerable feelings is distressing but manageable relative to the terror of getting rejected by your tribe for being overly sensitive and deemed unreliable.Complicating things is that appearing unfazed carries value into adulthood.
I recently spoke with a psychotherapist who set up chairs at a 45-degree angle when meeting with young male clients, as it eases defensiveness. This is why positioning side-by-side can promote
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