Your Friend With Kids Is Not Okay––Especially If Those Kids Are Under 12 “When we bring them to school, we cling to them, take a single cursory masked picture, and then grind our teeth to oblivion.”
But, the decision brings no relief.
Our eyes are red and raw from nights awake, researching articles on those statistical anomalies — the ones that everyone dismisses as “too low to count.” We obsessively look at pictures online of the latest child who died in our state. We spend more money on multi-layer face masks than we do on that organic food, or on that life we were supposed to return to. When we bring them to school, we nervously cling to them, take a single cursory masked picture, and then grind our teeth to oblivion.
We wonder if our child will be that statistic. We think about what picture they will use of our child if they are one of those 0.03% cases. Our stomachs churn, but we still can’t bring ourselves to eat good food. We end up eating what our child leaves behind at lunch, the Spaghetti-O’s they begged you for but didn’t eat, the cheese cubes they forgot about. We get sick over and over again, and every time we think it’s Covid. We get tested, and stop hugging our children until we get an answer.
But we can’t show our kids how scared we are. We keep our eyes open, our mouths smiling, and our tones light, because we set the tone. We sing songs, pretend play until our brains explode, and read to them until they are tired and ready for another night’s sleep. When they finally drift off, our eyes sag, our mouths droop, and we wonder how much a human person can cry. We don’t sleep another night.
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