Here's why the hardware might be incompatible.
Considering that the vagina is designed to stretch so much that another human can pass through it, you'd think it could easily fit any size erect penis. At rest, the vaginal canal measures 3.7 inches long, on average. But when you're sexually aroused, it elongates, lubricates, and expands—so even sex with an XL guy is slippery and comfy.
But once you hit menopause, your body's estrogen output takes a dive. With less natural lubrication, an average or larger penis might have a tough time time fitting in without causing pain and friction for both the man and the woman. It's also possible that just as some penises are on the small side, some vaginas might be, too. An exceptionally large penis, then, would be a mismatch for a small vagina. “Some vaginas are larger than others...so I would think it’s based on an individual basis," said Dr. Greves.
Stick to sex positions that put you in control, like woman on top or reverse cowgirl. When you're in charge of the depth and speed, he won't be able to go so deep or thrust so fast that it doesn't feel good. Positions that keep your legs wide can also help, since that can elongate the vagina. If the problem stems from menopause, “what I recommend for my post-estrogen women is an estrogen cream and a vaginal dilator. Try to get a dilator similar to the size of the man. And with lubrication, you could see if that could accommodate [the penis],” Dr. Greves says. If you've tried several tactics but nothing seems to work, it can't hurt to check in with your ob-gyn, she advises.
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