Our self-perception is often based more on what our inner critic says than on the reality of our lives. Here's how to change that.
The critical inner voice can be shaped by our upbringing and our experiences.self-esteem
is shaped from early life experiences that are internalized and influence our sense of identity. Just as positive experiences of love, warmth, and security help shape our positive sense of self, negative life experiences inform our inner critic. In an attempt to make sense of painful or hurtful experiences, our minds draw conclusions about who we are and how people will perceive us.
As adults, we may go on to live independent lives, but we’ve absorbed these attitudes and carry them with us, kind of like critical parents in our heads. The tricky part about this process is that we rarely identify these thoughts as outside forces coloring our realistic point of view.
The other confusing aspect of our critical inner voice is that we distort ourselves in both directions. Because our self-image feels fragile at the whim of this sadistic thought process, we have a tendency to both put ourselves down and defend ourselves. For example, if our partner tells us something that bothers them about how we acted, or a boss gives us constructive criticism, we may feel exaggeratedly threatened and become defensive.
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