Why Some People Always Put Others Ahead of Themselves

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Why Some People Always Put Others Ahead of Themselves
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Here's a psychologically healthy balance between being too selfish and overly selfless

But there is one key difference: Unlike unmitigated communion, for instance, which is portrayed as a way of being concerned with others to an excessive degree, others-centeredness denotes a more mutually-beneficial and psychologically healthy way of acting in the interests of others.

“Others-centeredness differs in the specific way of thinking which leads the others-centered person to put others first,” says Byerly. “Someone high in unmitigated communion or high other-focus may put others first because they worry that others cannot get along without them or because they cannot manage to be happy unless another person is happy. These are signs of a lack of self-differentiation—an underdeveloped sense of individuality—which is not associated with others-centeredness.

One study administered by the researchers gives a sense of how many people exhibit others-centeredness. In this experiment, they asked participants to divide five $2 bills between themselves and another participant. Thirty-two percent of participants acted in a manner consistent with other-centeredness, giving three to the other and two to the self, while 42% gave two to the other and three to the self.

“This is only a one-off experiment, but it might give a rough idea of what percentage of people are, at least on occasion, inclined to exhibit the sort of behavior you might expect from others-centeredness,” says Byerly.

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