Why my child wanted me to share their nonbinary identity in our holiday card
" by Jodie Patterson from our local library. As I read it, Clark inched closer to the pictures of short-haired, tie-wearing Penelope. A bright smile took over their face. “I feel the same way too!” Clark exclaimed.Next, it came time for a haircut. One hair stylist talked my child out of getting a short “pixie cut.” “You don’t want that,” said the stylist. I looked my kid in the eye and said, “You can have the short hair you want.” But Clark opted for a bob instead.
Privately, I feared what Clark’s future might be as their body changed. Would they want to be on hormone blockers, or have surgery someday to alter their body? Would someone physically hurt my kid outside of our Los Angeles bubble? According to a survey by The Trevor Project, a suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ youth, “, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth.
After two months in kindergarten, Clark said the lunch lady had thought their name was Clark not Claire. Clark asked if they could change their name. We said, “Sure. Let’s try it at home and see how you feel. If you want to change it permanently, you can.” Of course, it took Brendan and I several weeks to get the name change right. Chloe was the first to correct us if we got Clark’s name or pronouns wrong. Then, one day, Clark said they wanted to tell their teacher and class.
That night, I told Brendan I was amazed by how people responded. I felt so much lighter now that I had shared what I had feared. In my post, I had written: “I ask that if you disagree with our family’s choice — that you tell me privately in a message — rather than put it in a public comment.” I received zero negative messages.
"My brave kid stood up in front of their kindergarten classroom and told their friends that they were now Clark," said mom Jennifer Chen.My children’s bravery to express themselves boldly and lead with love led me to see that my fear was misplaced. I was scared to share their authenticity, but when I hit post that day, I reflected on their joy.
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