Many aren't treated with kindness—even less are told what to expect or where to get help
Lisa Plouffe wanted to take a copy of the ultrasound image with her, knowing the baby inside her wouldn’t be coming home. She was three months pregnant and had just found out she was having a miscarriage. That little grainy photo would be the only picture she’d ever have of Maci, the daughter she would never know.
We know this, with a degree of certainty, anyway, thanks to a research survey recently completed by the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network, part of the women and babies program at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre, with Jo Watson as the principal investigator. More than 600 Ontario families shared their experiences with pregnancy loss in one of the first comprehensive Canadian studies to analyze, from the perspective of families, the quality of care offered during and after miscarriage.
Van den Enden said her experiences echo those of Plouffe, and so many of the respondents of the survey. Earlier this year, she lost her seventh baby, whom she chose to deliver in hospital after a previous and traumatic miscarriage at home. Given how common miscarriages are—it happens to one in four women—it’s surprising the system has been failing women for so long. “What happens in those moments in hospital will stay with those families for the rest of their lives,” La Fontaine says. “All that families want is for someone to tell them ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’, and to treat that loss like it’s a baby, not a ‘product of conception’.
Recently, Plouffe helped organized a butterfly release for grieving parents, which was attended by an elderly couple. “A 90-year-old man openly wept during the ceremony, and said it was the first chance they had had to honour the baby they had lost,” she says. Such is the level of silent grief that many families carry with them.
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