As her debut novel In Case Of Emergency is published, author and journalist poornabell reflects on her decision to step off the ‘relationship escalator’ and embrace ethical non-monogamy.
, which meant I normally would have avoided him, but something in me was intrigued and we started chatting. The first thing I noticed was that this was the most normal conversation I’d had in years with a guy on Tinder. He was respectful and a good communicator about everything from organising a meet-up to the boundaries of his relationship with his partner.
Gahran posits that relationships which sit outside of that progression are frowned upon and discouraged by society. It might include something big like non-monogamy or it might be small things such as, having a break in the relationship or living in separate accommodation if you’re together long-term. When we hear that a person in a long-term relationship lives apart from their partner, for instance, the automatic assumption is that something must be wrong.
Shortly after my lightbulb moment, I went back on Tinder, but this time it felt different. I’d become hyper-aware that clear, open communication and respect was now a must – regardless of whether the encounter was casual or significant. It eliminated a lot of people – the ones who were too vague about what they wanted, who wouldn’t arrange to meet up or who seemed immature.
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