Ghosting has become a more common way to exit relationships, but research on how much suffering it causes should remind us that we owe others clarity, if not an explanation
points. They don’t get to perform at their best, they make stupid decisions, and those stupid decisions can put them in an even worse situation than before. That’s what you’re doing to someone when you leave them hanging. Even if they don’t realize it.
Are direct rejections embarrassing on both sides? Often, sure. But do they have to be? No. I teach influence, and because saying no is hard for almost everyone, we begin the course with a 24-hour"no" challenge—saying no to everyone who makes a request. Small or big, personal or professional. Most students learn they’ve been defaulting to yes without even realizing it. They also discover that when they say no with warmth and clarity, it’s usually not as big a deal as they feared.
We’re not used to saying no, so no wonder we ghost people. But you can be direct and kind even without stating the reasons for saying no. Guy Winch, host of the: “Thank you for your efforts yesterday. I think you did a great job. We all did. The fact that the group is planning to move to the next step with another therapist should in no way imply otherwise. I wish we could choose two therapists!”
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