Why doesn’t my toddler like positive reinforcement?—
about making mistakes and wanting to be perfect in order to please you—in that moment and in the future. And on a more basic note, your child might simply be startled by your reaction.
So how can you acknowledge your toddler’s accomplishment and encourage them in a positive way that won’t send them into an emotional tailspin? For starters, Rosensweet suggests “noticing” instead of praising, along with recognizing the effort. You could say something as simple as: “Wow, you did it,” or “Look at you—look at what you did.” With older toddlers, you can ask them to explain how they worked on the project or achieved their goal. You can still express enthusiasm and awe, of course, but don’t go overboard, and make sure to keep the focus on them..
So tone it down, and if you mess up once in a while and get a less-than-desirable reaction, all is not lost. “Just correct yourself and say, ‘It looks like I made you a little uncomfortable—I was just so excited. You must be so proud of yourself for doing x, y and z,’” says Rosensweet. “Everything’s fixable.”
And those may be the two most reassuring words ever uttered when it comes to parenting—and two of the truest.
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