Why Do I Love Soccer Players So Much?

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Why Do I Love Soccer Players So Much?
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The number of objectively hot people on the U.S. women's national soccer team defies statistical logic. Given any group of 25 or 30 people, you might expect, like, five of them to be objectively good-looking

Photo: Soccrates Images/Getty Images I’ve been hearing about the 2019 World Cup for months now, but I still wasn’t ready. My wife, Lydia, a former Division I soccer player herself, is a huge fan of the U.S. women’s national team, and if it weren’t for her, I don’t know that I would have watched a single game. But here we are, so I did, and I soon noticed something strange: everybody, and I mean everybody, was hot. Every player, every referee.

“They’ve got thick and muscular thighs,” said another. “I second that,” said a third. Over the course of the game, another fell in love with the Chilean goalie, who almost single-handedly saved her team from losing by several more goals. “She’s hot,” said my friend. “She looks like she could destroy me.” By the end of the game, she’d posted a picture of the goalie to Instagram, with hearts drawn around her face.

While there appears to be no research on this exact phenomenon as of yet, there have been studies that suggest that perceived facial attractiveness increases with athletic ability, and that women athletes are perceived as more facially attractive than men. What we don’t know is why: most relevant academic literature in recent years finds that the link between facial attractiveness and “biological quality” — i.e.

This theory tracks for me and my friends, at least. It’s about the sheer endurance required to play a 90-minute game , and the strength required to sexily but legally push an opposing player off you, and the general muscular compactness of their bodies. Then there is the fact that they don’t wear hats or helmets, leaving their beautiful faces and incredible hairstyles fully visible.

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