'When it’s happening to you, it feels like it’s only happening to you. We are still, each of us, a private island of loss, disappointment, guarded optimism, and tenuous hope.'
Photo-Illustration: by the Cut; Photos Getty Images/B) Corbis. All Rights Reserved. Maybe it’s because I have a big birthday on the horizon or because close friends around me are pregnant again, but lately I’ve had a persistent, nagging thought that has taken over my brain: I want to have a baby.
Even though in the U.S., for instance, 15 percent of couples will deal with infertility, when it’s happening to you, it feels like it’s only happening to you. The inability to conceive when you want to is so deeply personal, so painfully specific in its ability to wound, that it seems impossible that anyone has ever or could ever feel what you’re feeling.
Adding to the heartbreak was the silently looming but ever-increasing financial tally. Our collective health-insurance plans covered some of our eye-poppingly expensive medications but not all of them. Every single month, I endured the physical, emotional, and mental trauma of being poked and prodded, of near daily transvaginal ultrasounds on cold beds in sterile rooms. Then, at the end of the month, I’d receive both a negative pregnancy test and a positively alarming medical bill.
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