'ADHD and sex: It’s a topic almost no one writes about, even though almost every adult with ADHD I’ve treated has had an ADHD-related sexual problem.' drhallowell
. How can a man who has trouble “lingering” enjoy sex? How can a woman focus on giving pleasure if she is thinking about repainting the living room or processing e-mail?
Sexual ennui is another big problem. Adults with ADHD thrive on excitement in all things, and that includes their relationships and their. As a romantic partnership matures, and passion inevitably ebbs, someone with ADHD may lose interest in sex and move on to other activities or other people who are more stimulating. Boredom with sex is one reason for the high rate of divorce among couples affected by ADHD.
In some relationships, a lack of sexual intimacy reflects a power struggle. Typically, the partner without ADHD will begin to assume ever-greater control of shopping, finances, parenting, and everything else that goes on in the household. At some point, she starts to resent having to “do all the work” and nags her spouse.
Meanwhile, the partner with ADHD starts to feel more like a child than a lover. This creates a dual problem: The spouse without ADHD builds up so much resentment that sex doesn’t sound like much fun, while the other partner’s growing view of his spouse as a parent diminishes his own sexual interest. And so, energy that was once devoted to sex gets channeled into hobbies and other nonsexual pursuits.
No matter what issues you face, the first step toward resolving them is to understand that ADHD plays a major role in how you relate to each other sexually. Step two is to acknowledge that the problem is likely to be biological in nature, rather than emotional. In other words, it’s not that you don’t love each other. It’s that ADHD-influenced bad habits get in the way.The spouse with ADHD needs to learn how to linger.
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