Let’s get you from first awkward Bumble drinks to you being plied with praise.
If you learned about praise kinks on social media, you’ve probably seen half-joking posts saying that praise kinks mean you didn’t get enough love as a child or that you must be a firstborn daughter who was a competitive gymnast-slash-horseback-rider or something.
Murray urges caution before you start wondering too deeply about whether kinks are hereditary or not. “If you're somebody who's looking for your perfect origin story, or you're looking for that perfect moment where you developed a kink or fetish, and it's actually taking up time for you, and it's adding to a feeling of uneasiness or unworthiness about the desires you have, then it may not be the most helpful course of action for you,” she says.
Case in point: “It’s crazy, because when you say it out loud, it sounds like daddy issues,” says Tori, with a laugh, of the things she likes to hear from a partner during sexual experiences. “But my dad is very much a part of my life.” Don’t overthink it. “For most of us, we like what we like without any underlying reason,” says Rehor. “You might like mint chip ice cream, skiing, puppies, crime dramas—why? You just do; you were made that way.”As is often the case, the answer is: TikTok. Instagram and Twitter too.
Tori became aware that she had a praise kink when she saw a tweet detailing various praise-related phrases to say in bed. “I was like, ‘Wow, I love all of that, I need all of that,’” she says. Rose Luna had a similar experience, seeing the term “praise kink” online and instantly thinking, “Oh, clearly that’s me—it explains why I like to do ‘degrading’ things only if someone is speaking positively or encouraging me during the act itself.
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