‘We Should Not Be Friends’ offers a rare view of male friendship, which often receives less attention than platonic closeness between women, our book critic writes.
in which he wrote about reading and discussing with his dying mother some of the books that had the greatest impact on their lives. Inhe turns his attention to an unlikely friendship that has also affected him profoundly.offers a rare view of male friendship, which has received far less attention than platonic closeness between women. Schwalbe's new book is a tale about connecting across divides — which is particularly heartening in our polarized culture.
Schwalbe, who studied classics and classical civilization, was heavily involved in theater, gay rights issues, and volunteering for the AIDS hotline in New York and New Haven. He was mostly friendly with the"out" gays and lesbians on campus, and his antenna for homophobia was acute. He was particularly leery of varsity athletes:"The jocks and I were like planets in different orbits, circling one another but not colliding. I felt that if we did, I would be obliterated.
A picture emerges of two white male preppies about to head into the great unknown of the rest of their lives. Maxey, who loves the water and physical adventure, hopes to enlist as a Navy SEAL. Schwalbe, already pointed in a literary direction, opts for time abroad in Hong Kong — where homosexuality is still outlawed and punishable by life in prison.
To explain how they got there, Schwalbe circles back to 1986 for a deep dive into Maxey's brutal SEAL training and his job teaching and coaching wrestling at a prestigious New Jersey prep school. It's all part of Maxey's indirect path toward what becomes his life mission — opening the Cape Eleuthera Island School in the Bahamas in order to teach about marine conservation and"inspire young people to believe they can make a difference.
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