SexDiaries: 'I know that C didn’t mean to say he loves me, but the thought makes me so damn sad I think I’m going to have to stop seeing him'
Photo: James Gallagher This week, a woman seeing a divorced 30-year-old but thinking about an ex-hockey player: single, 25, Portland, Oregon.12:00 p.m. I’m so excited to see H today after work! He’s an ex-professional hockey player and something of a golf fanatic — in other words, not the sort of man I typically like. I love a good manly man, the laconic type who doesn’t quite know how to get in touch with his emotions but offers such physical refuge that you’re almost able to forget that.
9:00 p.m. He still hasn’t texted back, but he’s been active on Match and his Tinder distance has gone from four miles to 14 miles away. I have two drinks at a bar with my co-worker and head home.2:00 a.m. I look at my phone because I can’t sleep and see that H has just texted: “I slept straight through last night. I wish you had come and woken me up, but that’s my own fault.” He was recently laid off, so his sleep schedule has been wacky. I decide to wait till morning to text him back.
“You told me I could drop a bottle of wine off. Obviously there are a lot of different things that led to this but we are not currently clicking. You tell me you’re free after 6:30, I feel like you don’t want to see me. I feel like I’ve annoyed you. I don’t think we should get together tonight. We will either choose to try and this will sort itself out naturally but I don’t want to force anything today.
10:00 a.m. The feeling that is growing inside me is one I know all too well: My ex and I used to get in exhausting arguments where one person would say something and the other person would shoot back something completely unrelated, to which I would be tricked into responding until the yarns of our emotions were hopelessly tangled into hard little balls of resentment. I’m not wasting my time again. Better to cut ties now before four years slip by.
9:00 p.m. After dinner, we had sex. B is certainly the most theatrical lover I’ve ever had, twitching about and moaning and calling my name and saying I have a “powerful pussy.” He coated me in some sort of lube and put me on top of him, so my back was on his belly and his hands were slipping up and down my boobs. I felt like a fish in his bed.
5:00 p.m. My friend invites me out to happy hour drinks. She started off as my co-worker, but now we’re basically BFFs. I always feel better after hanging out with her — the mark of a true friend. She listens to me bemoan my current romantic situation and gets tipsy after half a beer. We have two rounds and hug good-bye outside the bar.10:00 a.m. C asks me to the movies tonight.
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