SexDiaries: 6 p.m. I’m signing out of my work email and into my personal one when I see the option to log in to another. G accidentally swapped computers with me for a week. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I find Zoom links. Receipts. Then a boarding pass
Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher This week, a college student snoops in their ex’s email, and finds something they wish they hadn’t: 21, single, Brooklyn.11 a.m. I wake up with both my legs over S, our bodies crammed uncomfortably close on a twin mattress in the floor. It’s only been a week in this apartment but each day it feels slightly less strange sharing a bed with someone I don’t want to have sex with.
2:30 p.m. I’ve been interning at an arts studio since June. The studio director told me to work from home this afternoon. She’s quirkier in person than in our Zoom interview. I thought she would be an icy art-world queen but she’s just a strange one.I tell her how each morning I feel her leg under mine and pretend it’s G’s and we’re in the Poconos again. I imagine it’s quarantine and our days are nothing but sex, Zoom class, sex, dinner, The Real Housewives of Potomac, and sex.
Mostly I go because my parents wouldn’t support my transition without some form of psychiatric care. I’ll play along if it means they’ll pay for my facial-feminization surgery. 9 p.m. I drink straight tequila on the floor of my kitchen like I’m on Euphoria. Hunter Schafer is my Jesus.9 a.m. Download Grindr because I am bored and horny. I’m surprised because I haven’t masturbated, let alone touched another body, in two weeks. Grindr’s been a fateful friend in my pursuit for emotionally detached sexual satisfaction since high school.
5:00 p.m. It’s a little cooler outside after work so I go for a run. I quickly discovered running in my neighborhood is not as lovely as in the suburbs. A lot of old factories. 5:30 p.m. L, a friend from school who lives in the East Village, asks to come over. I reply with an emphatic oh yes.11:45 p.m. We spend 30 minutes debriefing how much we hated it.9 a.m. L has to go to work early so I wake up with her and make us coffee. I can’t help but pry. L knows G well and I think she has information. She tells me Gen-Z celebrity is not in Europe with him. I sigh and say okay, okay. She then tells me they all did shrooms together last weekend.
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