The funniest parenting tweets this week from VisionBored1, dadthatwrites, storiesofamom, TheCatWhisprer & more:
If you were wondering who runs this house.-My toddler, quoting Toy Story 4 completely out of context, to random strangersMe: To see if you’re on it?Most kids: Can I hold the baby?This reminds me of when “we” carved pumpkins, I say to my kids as they watch me make Christmas cookies.10: My room has dill pickle flavored sunflower seeds and The Simpsons on Disney+. This room has my sisters.If snitches did, indeed, get stitches, my kids would be walking around looking like Frankenstein’s monster.
I got a rotisserie chicken to make my twins try chicken and broccoli pasta, but they saw me pulling it apart, and yelled"I a little shark feed me fishies!" so I've been hand feeding"fishies" to my"sharks" and I couldn't have created a more apt metaphor for parenting toddlers.Might fuck around and pretend like I actually want to attend my kid's Christmas concert tonight.Me: that’s...good but you really shouldn’t say that to anyone.
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