A poignant reminder that not everyone will be celebrating Mother's Day...
"It’s that time of year again. The supermarkets are rammed with display stands of pink cards, cut price flowers, candles and mugs with messages of motherly appreciation on them. My email inbox is full of brands proffering discount codes to take my mum to a spa or to buy her a bracelet.
What is it to be mothered? I’m not sure I know. I’m probably not the right person to write about it, having only experienced a mother briefly. Is it something we can even capture and contain with language? Perhaps I am missing something that I have invented in my head, after all, everyone’s experience of having a mum is totally different. All I know is that I have always felt a huge absence aching at the centre of my life.
Let me pause here to say that I know some can find this in ways that don’t involve conventional mothers. I know that men can raise children with heart and vulnerability And I’m not naïve enough to think that simply having a mother gives you an automatic best friend to share the burden of womanhood’s woes.
Even in our short time together, I learnt some things from my mum about the standards women are held to by men and by themselves. After my dad left, she was always on the cabbage soup diet. I watched her do frantic sit ups on her bedroom carpet every morning. In the hospice, when she was weeks away from dying, the doctors told her she needed to eat more.
My dad was a wonderful dad but he had to go out to work. My brother suffered after losing our mum and struggled with drug abuse. I didn’t have the room to share what I was feeling. I wanted a woman at home to talk to. I wanted to grieve, openly. This wasn’t on the menu in a house of men. Their grief was so cloistered, restrained and quiet. I used to escape to my mum’s sisters for weeks. I was hungry for women, for mothers.
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