With privilege comes power, and there are so many ways you can use that power for good: speak up and call out sexism and misogyny amongst your peers, stand up for and champion women, point out when a woman colleague came up with a great idea (especially when credit is misattributed to a man), hi...
For the last few years, the indignities women must endure to simply be a part of public society have finally shifted to the forefront of public discourse. It’s a conversation that started with addressing catcalling and the gender pay gap and moved deeper toward recognizing the more insidious structural biases that lurk around every corner for women.
But it’s a price women already pay simply for being women. If you want to get ahead , you need to be willing to go on trips across the world at the drop of a hat, to hang out at the golf course and in night clubs and bars until all hours of the night, to . And that’s something that just isn’t, as a rule, as open to women as it is to men.
Women should not have to endanger ourselves in order to get the opportunities our work should earn by itself. And the best way men can help is by opting out and, in the process, help short-circuit these patronage networks at the root. Nobody loses if nobody plays. I get it. The opportunities present themselves and you either participate or you don’t. But the very real constraints women face, even when not explicitly excluded, dramatically reduce our ability as a class to play this game with any degree of consistency or effectiveness. All-night drop-of-a-hat outings need to be protested, their discriminatory nature pointed out and discussed, so that better alternatives are offered.
And what’s more, as a man, you’re in an easier position to fight for this. Not only do men get a higher level of baseline respect and deference, but nobody will accuse you of being “difficult” or “hysterical” or “emotional” for pointing out very real discriminatory acts.
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