I have a new partner, but I'm spiraling because I recently got an HPV diagnosis.
when it comes to HPV-related medical issues. Could I be doing some major harm here?
However, I’m scared that if I do tell her, she'll run away. Meanwhile, my mind is completely fixated on the idea that I can never date again with this news. Will I always feel like I have something bad inside me like I do now? I’m thinking of not saying anything and just asking her to use a dental dam, but I’ve honestly never used one before and worry it will be weird.
To add just one more thing to the pile, I have a sexual trauma history that I have really worked on in therapy, and I know that is getting mixed up in all of this. I am so confused and overwhelmed — and also somehow still horny? I want to do the right thing, but I don’t even know what that is anymore. What should I do? Sometimes our brains look for things that confirm our deepest fears.
That deep pain can get lodged in our body. I don’t know the details of your sexual trauma, but it would be incredibly normal — even after you have worked on healing — to feel likemessed up in some way. As if you intentionally put yourself in a situation to contract HPV. After your sexual trauma until the deeper healing was in motion you might have blamed yourself for being in a situation that got you hurt, or staying in an abusive relationship for so long.
Once the timer beeps and you've had a chance to feel your feelings, ask yourself: What is the very worst possibility of what might happen? You share with them that you tested positive for HPV, and they yell and scream and say they liked you, but now that they know you have this diagnosis, they're through? And the deepest fear of all might be that their reaction will show you more about who they are shatter the illusion of a perfect match.
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