Michael Bay's “Ambulance” is a bifurcated mess that can’t decide what kind of movie it wants to be and so chooses instead to be several movies at once. Yet in spite of (or perhaps because of) its myriad flaws, it’s impossible to resist the film’s siren song. FOX film critic Allison Shoemaker reviews the action expert's latest.
crosses paths with the Brothers Sharp. Like Ingram as Will’s wife, González does the best she can with what she’s given, but it’s unclear whether or not anyone involved with the making of "Ambulance" has ever had a conversation with a human woman, let alone written for one.
But at least the female characters are consistent in their blandness. The caricatures that pass for male supporting roles ricochet madly through the film, jostled from trait to trait like, say, a paramedic trying to save a dude’s life in the back of an ambulance that’s being chased by the LAPD and FBI through the mean Los Angeles streets. Their competence, sanity, communication style, wants and needs change willy-nilly to allow for whatever set-piece or stunt Bay and company want to tackle next.
In fact, neither of the film’s leading actors phone it in for so much as a moment. It cannot be overstated how deeply stupid this movie is, and yet they play it, warts and all, like it’s Shakespeare. These are performances operatic in scope, truly capital-A Acting.
Jake Gyllenhaal screams about flamingoes. Yahya Abdul-Mateen II punches a guy in the name of medicine while yelling "GO TO SLEEP." A couples’ counseling session is interrupted by a text that says "MASSIVE BANK HEIST IN DTLA." A major plot point hinges on a can of lime-green spray paint. Two trauma surgeons offer medical expertise from the 14th tee. Someone holds a spleen. A massive dog gets accidentally dog-napped.
Does any of that stuff appeal? Then you should go see "Ambulance." Do not expect great art. Expect dumb fun and you’ll get what you pay for.
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