‘We Did It Again, You Guys,’ Jubilant Postmaster Declares
As the festivities continued on the East Coast with delivery trucks honking their horns and the entire USPS airplane fleet tipping their wings mid-flight, Donahoe called up the Big Board—a giant television screen with a live feed to every post office in America—to see how the celebrations were progressing across the country.
“Let’s check in on Broomfield!” Donahoe shouted as the screen cut to a small post office in Colorado, whose champagne-drenched mailmen were once again unfurling their giant “You Asked, We Delivered!” banner. “You’re the best, Broomfield. And now let’s kick it to Omaha! Nice! Good stuff from the Cornhusker State.
“Twenty million letters, 8 million birthday cards, 100 million Capital One Bank credit card offers, and 5 million different types of forms were delivered from one side of the country to the other, a majority of them for just 44 cents,” former Utah Jazz power forward and basketball legend Karl Malone said in a message to the nation’s mailmen taped earlier in the day. “It’s a modern miracle, and you’re responsible for it. So raise a glass and take a drink, because you deserve it.
“We rocked it today, guys!” Harrisburg, PA mailman Tom Burnsworth said. “And we’re gonna rock it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, and then on Sunday we’re not gonna do it.
As Burnsworth received a roaring ovation from his coworkers, Pennsylvania resident Debbie Lustick, 42, told reporters that she had yet to receive a package she has been expecting since last Thursday.
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