'I struggle to know when to nag my kids, when to allow them to fail, when to bail them out, or when to just take a deep breath, and just ask him to do it in the morning, or load the dishwasher myself and move on.'
I’m not sure sure the question is whether to let him fail in order to help him succeed in the long run. A counselor told us once that these kids get 200 negative messages a day on average. That’s no way to live a childhood. Is your son on medication yet? If not, get him on medication as fast as you can. We learned the hard way that we were ruining his chances of succeeding by resisting medication. And my son had such a sense of relief with it.
Even with medicine, the forgetfulness is still a challenge. I remember the day that things changed for the better, though. I was chastising him for having forgotten his social studies book. We had been studying every night, night after miserable night, all week for a big test. Long story short, I was scolding him like you described doing and finally told him to run back into the school and get his social studies book as fast as he could.
I hear you say you were driving him to practice. Please tell me he is not attending a Catholic school. We sent our sons to Catholic school and, for my son with ADHD, it was disastrous. We finally threw in the towel and sent him to sixth grade in public school. We didn’t think our local school was good enough. The truth was, we had no idea how well the public schools take care of ADHD kids. My son was given a dedicated case manager and resource teacher.
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