Perspective: The power of listening to a boy
By Michael C. Reichert April 11 It was never easy being the parent of a boy. For years now, a crisis has been building for men, a crisis brought to a head by the #MeToo movement. Many parents raising boys are now questioning and waking up to the skewed ideals surrounding masculinity.
Every boy has the ability to imagine a life entirely of his own design. Inspired by their dreams, they will resist pressures to be something they are not. As they assert who they are and who they want to become, with parents’ support their trust in their own judgment grows. When there is no one to bounce things off or to check in with, a boy is left with only the echo chamber of his thoughts and feelings.
Listening certainly requires attention. But it is hard to sustain listening to a boy if your attention is dominated by pressing concerns about their behavior. When parents are unable to put aside their worries or upsets, it is probably not a good time to attempt to listen — better to clear your mind first. Without real attention, these interactions can turn into occasions when the boy winds up feeling that he must reassure or take care of his parent.
Still, it can be hard to listen to boys. Boys often test parents or teachers by pushing them away, shutting down or defying them. For parents, staying present while listening means trying to manage reactions so you don’t hijack the connection you’re building.
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