Lux Alptraum: Honestly, the text-message conversation between Pete Davidson and Ye made me feel a little sick. - NBCNewsTHINK
a joyful moment of another survivor getting the loving, protective partner that she deserves.
But as a survivor myself, I didn’t feel that way at all. Honestly, the whole exchange made me feel a little sick.Eighteen years ago, when I was first getting out of my own abusive relationship, I might have felt a little differently. I’d grown up in an era of survivor revenge fantasies like “Foxfire,” which positioned violently getting even with an abuser as the best way to heal.
But over the years, my feelings started to change. A few years ago, I opened up to a partner about some of the ways that men had violated me in the past. He immediately responded by telling me that hearing about the abuse made him want to fight these men. I know it was supposed to make me feel protected and cared for. Instead, it made me uncomfortable.
I attribute this change in outlook to a few different things. Over the past two decades, revenge has not, in fact, helped me heal, nor has “getting even” with my abuser. Much more effective has been getting space from him, and finding the freedom to live my life free from his shadow. A partner who’s baiting your ex over a text message probably isn't getting you that freedom.
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