'I hope that we—and by we, I mean non–fat people as well as fat people—can build a world that doesn’t compel us to beg for scraps of approval…or to send strangers rude DMs.'
with a simple plea: “If you have an opinion about my body, please, please, don’t share it with me.” Sounds simple, right? Wrong, unfortunately; Coughlan went on to explain that she’s been inundated with messages about her weight, writing, “I am just one real-life human being, and it’s really hard to take the weight of thousands of opinions on how you look being sent directly to you every day.”
Coughlan’s post was instantly familiar to me as a fat person who’s had to ask countless loved ones to stop centering my weight in conversations. But what really hit a nerve was the sweetness of her tone; Coughlan wasn’t raging against the system or scrawling “FUCK YOU” across her belly, riot-grrrl style ; she was simply asking the world to stop giving her unsolicited feedback on the specifics of her appearance, and it broke my heart in a thousand tiny ways.
You might think that anyone sliding into Coughlan’s DMs to comment on her body is an unredeemable monster, but unfortunately that’s far from the case. When it comes to fatphobia, the call is so often coming from inside the house; it’s our moms, our mentors, our older brothers, our friends from camp, our long-ago acquaintances, as well as our very best friends who are so sadly and imminently capable of making us doubt whether we fat people deserve even a modicum of respect.
I’ll say it, because it needs saying: I love fat people. I love our courage, our beauty, our hard-earned pride in our bodies, the space we take up in the world, and the room we make for each other. What I don’t always love, though, is our resilience, because so often it’s developed as a coping mechanism to deal with the quiet trauma of living in a world that doesn’t want us.
I wish I had the answer to that question, but I don’t. I’m just another fat person trying to balance a growing appreciation and respect for my body with a lifelong, inchoate hatred of the way I look, which is hard at times and wildly gratifying at others. There are so many of us out there, trying to like ourselves against all the odds.
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