Natalie Brown: 'We rarely hear thoughtful analysis of what “choice” means in a society where some women are raped or others told that bearing children is commanded by God.'
Natalie Brown, Salt Lake Tribune guest columnistA woman at the playground asked me what I did for work. I replied that I was staying home with my children. She was briefly taken aback. Then she explained that I had made a wonderfulI am no longer home with my children full time, but I frequently reflect on this conversation because she had one fact wrong: I did not want to be a stay-at-home mother.. We are here to make choices that lead us back to God.
And yet, as every mother knows, the choices we make rarely align with our aspirations. Does that make them wrong? Or make us less successful? I did not want to be a stay-at-home mother, because I perceived mothers as supportive and self-effacing. I wanted to be like my father, who through force of personality made his interests seem cool. He owned his desires, which had a great deal to do with male privilege.
Too often, the rhetoric of choice is weaponized against mothers as we are told that we do not deserve practical support because we “chose” to have children — the children, of course, whose future wages we are relying on to support programs like Social Security. We rarely hear thoughtful analysis of what “choice” means in a society where some women are raped or others told that bearing children is commanded by God.
But I am not a failure because I cannot achieve — or articulate — what I want. The framework that equates success with fulfilling our desires or having impact did not come from within me. Nor is it clear to me that this perspective best benefits humankind.
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