Each week, at an apartment in Brooklyn, a small collection of guys get together to sift through and discover some of their deepest feelings—their secret fears, their hidden desires, their private shortcomings—in the hope that they can become better men. It's a messy, emotional, imperfect project
Welcome to GQ's New Masculinity issue, an exploration of the ways that traditional notions of masculinity are being challenged, overturned, and evolved. Read more about the issue from GQ editor-in-chief Will Welch here and hear Pharrell's take on the matter here.
Now, I had been in many all-male spaces before—and when topics like these came up, they often elicited misogynistic or homophobic reactions. But something different happened here. These guys had created something rare: a space where men felt safe enough to let their guard down and express the parts of themselves that they otherwise make little to no contact with—including the parts they're most ashamed of.
In 2015, Gloria Steinem put it like this: “Men's life expectancy increases by three to four years if you deduct from all the reasons that men die those that could be reasonably attributed to the masculine role. Death from violence, death from speeding, from tension-related diseases.” Evryman was founded by Dan Doty, Lucas Krump, Sascha Lewis, and Owen Marcus in 2017. They had prior experience in men's groups—Owen's going back as far as the 1980s. The premise for Evryman was actually pretty simple: provide men a safe space to practice being vulnerable so that they could bring greater emotional intelligence into their relationships, their friendships, and their work. Or, translated into old-school guy-speak, what Lucas likes to call “CrossFit for your emotions.
“I begin to realize that my world doesn't collapse if someone else sees me have an emotion. it seems so simple now, but it came as a revelation.” What Evryman does claim is that it can help men become more than “emotional third graders” and start building the tools necessary to even join the broader conversation. That is, in part, why the groups are all-male. At first this aspect of it made me skeptical.
During an Evryman group session, the main question is “What are you feeling?” followed by “Where is that feeling in your body?” Feeling these feelings—both the emotions that are coded in our society as “good,” like joy and love and sadness, and “bad,” like anger and shame—is what Evryman is all about. As van der Kolk writes, “Agency starts with what scientists call interoception, our awareness of our subtle, sensory, body-based feelings: the greater that awareness, the greater our potential to control our lives. Knowing what we feel is the first step to knowing why we feel that way.
He cried, took a deep breath, exhaled, and then said calmly, “I feel like I’m seeing little Brian, my child self, and I’m just holding him.” That isn’t to say that my feelings toward Evryman were uncomplicated. My cringe sensors went haywire whenever the guys messaged one another on group chat. Somehow the holistic, affirmational language that I could handle in person—“speak your truth” or “hold the space”—came off as wildly earnest when discovered on a handheld device.
Not surprisingly, the all-male format is potentially problematic. Back in May, there was an event called Women’s Questions About Men’s Work. It was a conversation between Sascha Lewis, one of Evryman’s founders, and Heidi Sieck, a feminist political organizer and civic entrepreneur. Heidi asked Sascha about Evryman, its goals and practices and, ultimately, whether the organization is doing enough to support women in the era of #MeToo, Kavanaugh, and abortion bans.
And the answer is, I don’t think men’s groups are going to do all that. The ability to see women—to really see them, and maybe also to be seen in an honest way by them, that feels like Evryman 2.0. It’s possible that great allyship of women grows out of men’s work, but it’s not a direct product. That’s the next step. The problem is, as Heidi says, Roe v. Wade might get overturned next year, and we don’t have a lot of time.
“What do you need to let rip right now that you’re not sharing?” one of the guys asked me. I couldn’t be sure exactly who it was, because my eyes were closed and I was still learning everyone’s name.“Just tell us one right now,” another voice said.
Brasil Últimas Notícias, Brasil Manchetes
Similar News:Você também pode ler notícias semelhantes a esta que coletamos de outras fontes de notícias.
https://time.comBreaking news and analysis from TIME.com. Politics, world news, photos, video, tech reviews, health, science and entertainment news.
Consulte Mais informação »
Donald Trump Greeted By Boos Again, This Time At UFC Fight In New YorkPresident Donald Trump was met with boos once again, this time at the main fight of UFC 244 Saturday night in New York City. When the president arrived at Madison Square Garden to watch the fighter…
Consulte Mais informação »
Adam Neumann’s Time at WeWork Is Over, But His Troubles Aren’tThe true extent of former WeWork CEO Adam Neumann's abusive workplace behavior is still becoming clear
Consulte Mais informação »
Bill Maher Asks Ronan Farrow A Frank Question (For The Third Time)Journalist and celebrity offspring Ronan Farrow stopped by HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday night to promote his new book but it didn’t take long for the show’s professio…
Consulte Mais informação »