“I wasn’t going to use my husband’s name; why would I use his money?”
Photo: Flashpop/Getty Images Great news, everyone: I’ve figured out the secret to a successful marriage. It’s been 18 years, and if my musician husband and I make it past the finish line it won’t be because we’re more compatible than any other couple or because we tried harder than everyone else . Similar tastes in movies, shared values, a mutual disinterest in skiing — all good things to have. I’m here to tell you that what you don’t want to share with your significant other is cash.
At some point after Lenny the Punk and I broke up for reasons nonfinancial, I learned that one of the things couples most often fight about is money. The solution, it seemed to me, was pinheadedly simple: Don’t share it. When partners keep their money separate, one half of the couple can’t resent the other half — your musician husband, say — for using merged funds to buy another guitar that he truly doesn’t need.
Here’s how it works at my house: My husband and I both contribute to agreed-upon shared expenses in proportion to how much child care each of us provides. These days we split the child care down the middle, so the math is a breeze. After we make a purchase, we initial our receipts, which go in a plastic clip, and once a month or so I tally the husband’s expenses and then mine, total them, divide by two, and then calculate who owes who how much.
I do realize that I’m not the first woman who has ever pledged not to depend financially on her partner. I also realize that standing by this particular principle is a middle-class luxury: I can support myself because I’m a healthy person with a college education. My parents even covered most of my college tuition, although after I graduated I had a modest quarterly loan that I paid myself.
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