Dear Care and Feeding: My friend is very nice but is living in a bit of a fairytale.
I was recently asked by a friend to watch her 10-year-old child. I declined because I had a work commitment that day. But I didn’t tell her the truth.
Honestly, I don’t want to watch them. They’re not well-behaved when we’re together. They don’t respect boundaries that are set by their parent or myself. They refuse to leave my pets alone, demand access to the TV, and act bratty when they don’t get their way. The last time I watched them, they refused to wash their hands before a meal, which was the last straw for me.
My pets are afraid of this child and hide when they come over. I’ve pointed this out to my friend, who brushed it off and said it’s because they’re rescues and not very social. They are rescues, but they have no problem being social with other people who come to the house. I know my friend has spoken to their child about leaving my pets alone, but they continue to try to interact with them. I now put the pets in a bedroom and close the door while they’re here.
How do I tell my friend I really don’t want to watch their child? My friend is very nice but is living in a bit of a fairytale where their child is concerned, complete with rose-colored glasses about their behavior. This time I got lucky and had a commitment as an excuse, but I’m worried about next time. I suggested another friend watch the child, but that friend was also “busy.”—Perplexed in PortlandIt seems that an honest conversation with your friend is necessary.
I’m sure that your friend is more aware of the problems with her child’s behavior than she has admitted to you, and you may not be the first person to tell her that they can’t care for them anymore. Ideally, hearing from you will force her to do some reflection on her approach to her child’s behavior, and hopefully, she’ll be able to receive what you have to say without pulling back from your friendship.
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