My First Impressions of All 30 ‘Bachelor’ Contestants (Including the Turtle Princess)

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My First Impressions of All 30 ‘Bachelor’ Contestants (Including the Turtle Princess)
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A rundown of this season's ladies. BachelorABC

The holidays are over, and it’s time to give ourselves television’s answer to a season of peace and good will toward men: watching a bunch of contestants getting blown around by a giant fan and trying their tight 5 on an unsuspecting boy pilot who drinks straight from the hose

ABC gave us the greatest Christmas gift of all when they dropped the bios for this cast of characters in December—I’ve spent weeks looking forward to meeting these women with nicknames like “Turtle Princess” who have fears like “murky waters and chicken on the bone.” I had high hopes, and these ladies absolutely did not disappoint.

Kelley is coming into the competition with a little advantage because she and Peter had already met at a hotel in California a month before taping. I would love to get a timeline on this encounter because it keeps getting more involved with each retelling. Peter keeps telling her he can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve gotta assume that’s not just about an inexplicable hallway swing dance they shared, which they think was so important that they reenact it. Literally.

Gone But Not Forgotten: Eliminated Night One It’s always sad to lose contestants before they’re really able to shine on camera, so here’s my tribute to them.Look. I was more excited about Katrina than anyone had any reason to be, based solely on this Instagram I found of her and her cat dressing up as each other for Halloween. But the thing she did to Peter potentially violates the Geneva convention sanctions for prisoner treatment.

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