DearPrudie: The last three Christmases with him were horrible.
before or during the live discussion. Or call the Dear Prudence podcast voicemail at 401-371-DEAR to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show.In the past three years, my husband had an affair, got his mistress pregnant, and left to be with her. She ended up having a stillbirth. I tried to keep a stiff upper lip, since my husband and I have two girls together. “Jack” was a co-worker and friend who ended up being my safe place to fall. He made me feel wanted and loved.
It’s not selfish to host a separate holiday celebration from your ex. He has not yet demonstrated that he’s capable of putting aside his desires for the sake of your kids, and it’s reasonable to maintain a strict boundary until he can. And I hope, if you haven’t already, you can set up a therapy appointment so you can process your unmerited feelings of guilt and worthlessness with someone patient, professional, and compassionate.
your friends who have switched from “she” to “they” describe their experience as “leaving the team”? Or are there ways in which they remain committed to the same projects, in solidarity with the same people, part of a broad yet tightknit community that includes but is not restricted to women? Maybe you’ve lost touch with some of your nonbinary friends you once viewed as women, and it’s as straightforward as a fear that anyone who goes from “she” to “they” is going to stop taking your calls.
women, cis and trans alike, who have thought a great deal about their gender identity and what it means for themselves and their communities. Seek these women out. That could mean looking for authors and artists who’ve worked on the subject, or making new friends, or asking questions of the friends you already have. You might derive deep meaning and pleasure from exploring lesbian femme identity, either for yourself or as a general concept.
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