MyTwoCents: 'Let me start by recognizing that this is a very petty thing to complain about. But my long-term boyfriend truly sucks at gifts, to the point where I sometimes wonder if he even really knows me, or cares to.' Read CharlotteCowles's advice
Let me start by recognizing that this is a very petty thing to complain about. But my long-term boyfriend truly sucks at gifts, to the point where I sometimes wonder if he even really knows me, or cares to. Sure, I know he CARES about me — he is kind and sweet, etc. But I put a lot of thought and effort into getting him gifts for his birthday and the holidays and other special occasions , and his lack of reciprocation bothers me.
There are a couple of ways that you could deal with this. One would be to accept that gifts are simply not your boyfriend’s forte, and make peace with the fact that he shows his appreciation for you in other meaningful ways. The point is not to hit him over the head with how great you are at giving gifts and how bad he is by comparison. “I would keep the focus on the future as opposed to the past,” says Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist who often works with couples. Incidentally, Clayman has struggled with a similar gifting dynamic in her own marriage and agrees that it’s thorny territory.
Contrary to popular perception, most couples do not innately speak each other’s “love languages” and need some coaching and reinforcement. One tactic is to point out an example of something that worked well: “Remember when you gave me that thing? That meant a lot to me, and I would be so happy if you did it more often.
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