What’s the fundamental ambivalence in loneliness?
To alleviate the emptiness and pain of loneliness, Richard Deming wandered through the streets of Boston, with a flask of Jack Daniels under his coat, asking strangers the time, not to start a conversation, but to prove, “at least provisionally,” that he did exist. At home, he dialed the phone, again and again, asking for “Paul,” and then drank himself into oblivion when he was told what he already knew: no one named Paul lived there.
Throughout the book, Deming examines how heightened awareness can help loners turn outward, observe the lives of others, recognize the loneliness they feel, realize its ubiquity, empathize with them, and themselves.of being a unified whole, “an illusion we chase for the rest of our lives.” Family relationships, Deming adds, can contribute to loneliness, but “we can’t necessarily say” it’s a cause or a cure. The self that emerges out of loneliness, moreover, is “who we are.
Hurston’s stories, Deming acknowledges, don’t depict the vanquishing of loneliness by force of will. But their “cosmically personal yet turbulent beauty” gives readers a sense of what living with loneliness entails and provides the means for them to become “part of a larger whole, and a wider community.” If loneliness “is a story we tell ourselves,” revising that narrative invites us to create new ones.
Even before the Nazis came to power, Walter Benjamin was often “lonely, despondent, forsaken.” Avoiding cafes, Benjamin preferred communicating with friends in letters, because they permitted him to disavow isolation while remaining “distant, apart, isolated.”, to remain invisible while seeing soulmates who were also invisible. “Stare, pry, listen, eavesdrop,” Evans recommended. “Die knowing something. You are not here long.
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