Here’s what you can do to help when a child’s emotions get out of control.
“The calming strategies and coping tools we use if you’re at a 9 or 10 [emotionally] are much different than what you might use if you are at a 2 or a 3,” Lee said. For example, cookie breaths might not work if a child is at a 9 or 10 in terms of their anger or anxiety. And if a child tries a strategy that doesn’t work, they might think that what their parent is suggesting isn’t helpful. You can use phrases like a feelings thermometer or big vs.
Whenever you’re talking about feelings, heap on the praise. “You’re literally telling them, ‘I love to hear about your feelings.’ ‘Thanks for telling me more about this.’ ‘I feel so connected to you when I know more about these things.’” Lee said. “For teenagers, you can say something like, ‘Thanks for bringing me in on this. That’s really mature.’”“Most parents don’t do a great job of modeling how to calm themselves down,” Lee said.
She recommends taking a calm moment to share the “petals, thorns and buds” of your day, or the best part, the worst part and the thing you’re looking forward to. You can share something frustrating or stressful, and what. “We need to help kids understand that this process is ongoing and something adults experience,” she said.
You can also point out calming strategies you use at home. For example, you can say to a child, “Your brother was a little frustrating when he kept telling the same joke. You might have noticed I was taking a couple of deep breaths.” And if you lose your cool? Acknowledge it, apologize, point out that you’ll try hard to use your coping strategies in the future, and move on. Kids can learn that managing the behaviors that come with strong emotions is something many of us work on for life. “It’s important not just to model how to calm down, but also to model that we all feel strong emotions and sometimes we don’t handle it perfectly right away,” Puliafico said.
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