Our JohnnyTheNic can see the end in sight for the World Cup. And he can't wait. All that Messi and Brazil love has turned his stomach.
FRIDAY DECEMBER 9The holidays are coming. ‘Tis the season and it’s always the real thing. Apparently nothing says Christmas like an illuminated red 18-wheel gas-guzzling artic with a massive carbon footprint. If anything can prepare kids for life’s disappointments it must be the Coke lorry. Encouraged to follow it like it’s some sort of carbonated pied piper, their reward for doing so is…what?. A can of feckin’ pop? Pish off. The three wise men did not bring cans of Coke.
Alex Scott has come dressed in pink and orange like a fruit salad chew, Jurgen Klinsmann in a not-trying-at-all plain polo shirt and Mark Chapman who has matched hair and beard and jacket. They look like they’re made out of the same oatmeal-coloured fabric. Tim Vickery does a nice profile of Richarlison on 5Live. I’d like to know how he ended up at Watford.
I go back to the radio to hear Vicki Sparks doing the penalty shoot-out and she absolutely belts it out with a throat-ripping ‘Croatia storm through!!’. I’ve bloody loved Vicki this tournament. She’s really delivered both the meat and the bone. Klinsmann says Neymar should’ve taken the first penalty to set the tone and let’s face it, the Germans know something about these matters. I really like Klinsey. He seems so sensible, like a firm but liberal dad. Well built, trustworthy and reliable like a BMW.
Jonno Pearce and Marty K are on TV and are attracting great gusts of ire on social media. But then who doesn’t? I won’t hear anything said against Jonno. He’s an absolutely mad old feck and all the better for it. Where would we be without mad old fecks? We’d be drowned in vanilla. By the time it comes back the Dutch ‘are going ugly’ according to Chris Sutton. For 15 minutes they play some of the most enjoyable and effective long-ball football I’ve seen for a long time. Wout Weghorst gives it the full Wout and Argentina can’t handle it.
An Argentinian kicks the ball into the Dutch subs, ‘what a moron!’ yells Chris. Fights break out, people get very cross, but no-one gives anyone a right hander, and as ever, it seems more like cats fighting than actual violence. Just once I’d like to see someone properly bury a right hander, take a red card and 10-match ban for the pleasure. Don’t pretend you’re the hard man who’s going to dish out retribution then hide behind your mates.
Denno is letting his full rasp loose for the penalty shoot out during which, incredibly, the broadband drops out one more time. So I listen to the Dutch bottling it on the radio, disappointed that the Messi narrative will continue once they win. I wonder what proportion of neutrals feel likewise?Saturday dawns frosty. Postie brings some Gillan double pack 7”singles and Kingdom Come 12” singles. Looking down the fixture list I see domestic football has got a full programme. My heart warms.
Souness is in the studio wearing a raspberry jacket which clashes badly with his Caramac tan. He has a foot up on the chocolate orange and declares Morocco ‘defended manfully’. That seems very typical of Graeme, surely the least likely vegan in football, who we know likes ‘men, at it’. He goes on to say he had two Moroccan players at Benfica and they had a tremendous capacity for hard work. Not sure how insightful making a generalisation from two players who you managed in 1997 really is.
Social media would have us believe that both are very poor performers, but that’s not true. There are no bad commentators. You have to be good to get a gig. But great comms and co-comms are about so much more than being able to pronounce the names correctly. Here there is no innate poetry, laughter or lyricism, no silliness, the excitement of the occasion not reflected in the commentary., a man proven to deliver in the big games, is now at home.
During lulls, Rob Green takes the chance to deconstruct some of the play. JM notes small details; the colours of boots, the physical stature of a player, the gold numbers on French shirts. While this is partly because it is radio and so the picture needs to be painted more fully, it has the effect of making the listener feel involved in the game and not held at arm’s length. In other words, it works as well with pictures, as without.
‘If I could give someone the ball to take a penalty now, I’d give it to Harry Kane,’ says Rob Green. And that’s right. Micah says they ‘should be proud of their performances.’ Former ‘keeper, Rob Green, who has had a very good tournament on 5Live, makes another excellent point in saying that for the second penalty, Lloris was always going to commit himself to diving, there was no way he’d just stand still, so belting it down the middle would’ve been the best option for Kane. Easy to say after the event.
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