First partner of California Jennifer Siebel Newsom is married to one of America's most progressive governors. But even she struggles to maintain a truly equal partnership.
On the morning of January 7, 2019, my husband was about to become the 40th governor of California, I was going to become the first “first partner” of California, and our four young children were going to take the stage and be thrust into the spotlight with a new level of national attention.
I tried to pretend it didn’t bother me, but the truth is it did. It was a reminder that despite our partnership and despite the support I feel in our relationship, I will always bear the responsibility of our children in a way Gavin never will. In other words, our culture doesn’t punish parents so much as it punishes mothers, and especially working ones.
Then, at the end of the press conference, a reporter asked the governor whether he was a feminist. He gave an immediate and resounding yes. As the husband to me, a longtime women’s rights advocate, “it couldn’t be any other way,” he said. The invisible work doesn’t just make life more stressful. It’s indicative of a broader system in which we neither value women equally at work nor appreciate their essential contributions at home. And then as women toil without recognition or compensation and men are rewarded for any amount of parenting they do, it makes moms feel like we are the problem, like we are failing our kids and failing at our jobs. The truth is so much simpler: We, as a society, are failing working moms.
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