For the first time in probably half a decade I walked into a Burger King, ordered an Impossible Whopper, and ate the damned thing.
NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 8: In this photo illustration, the new Impossible Whopper sits on a table on August 8, 2019 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. On Thursday, Burger King is launching its soy-based Impossible Whopper at locationsNo, it’s not a lie. Does the Impossible tastes just like a Whopper? You bet it does. It’s just as bland, flat and dry-mouth inducing as the real thing. And if this is your standard for satisfying dining, knock yourself out. Buy two.
But, c’mon, who chows down on a hamburger because it’s healthy? However, a truly great burger glorious sensual indulgence, and when they’re glistening with the perfect chopped blends of Pat Le Freida chuck and sirloin, or Wagyu beef, short ribs, bloody jeweled bursts from Black Angus beef, surrounded by brioche buns, jalapeño jam, stout mustard, sherry vinegar-soaked pickles, the sensation is some of the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
The Impossible Burger is a stunt, except only the publicity is juicy. Worse still, its origins are rooted in foolhardy hypocrisy. Years ago, due to a serious medical condition, I was required to follow a macrobiotic diet for nearly two years, a process that manifested a rack of cookbooks, each determined to do its damnedest to make tofu and seitan take like chicken steak, turkey, or bacon. Not one recipe succeeded to pull off the ruse.
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