Bring cash because you’re going to need to make a quick exit, you monster
Breakups are the absolute worst. There’s crying, hyperventilating, questioning, yelling, and wailing — which is why you never want to share this experience with the public. ThatThere’s an urban legend going around Twitter that a couple went out to a fancy restaurant one evening, and the woman thought she would leave with an engagement ring on her finger, but the man had another idea. He broke up with her, and the dining room mistook her distraught crying for tears of joy and erupted in applause.
Not only is it uncomfortable for staff and everyone around you, but when you plunk down at a two-top, you are renting space in someone else’s place of work. When I was a server, I once witnessed a breakup between the appetizers and entrees, and the couple proceeded to cry it out for two hours, not only making it tense for everyone around the table, but losing me a much-needed profitable turn on the seats.
Fast-casual at a slow time of the day could work. You don’t want to go when it’s busy and risk your date screaming obscenities loud enough for the children to hear. Buffets would be awkward. Sushi is too easy to hurl at your head. Italian is too romantic. Don’t even think about French. Soul food will be of no comfort. Pretty much, you’re left with fast food. At least if you broke up over Shake Shack, your partner could take their burger with them.
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