.ksenapathy learned, sometimes the hard way, that the healthiest responses to her OCD can come off as counterintuitive and unsupportive.
. The medication I started in 2011 has continued to help alleviate my symptoms, and working with a CBT provider following my diagnosis in 2014 has given me tools to manage them. But OCD never really goes away, ebbing and flowing with the stressors of life. “OCD sufferers have to come to terms with the fact that intrusive thoughts will still happen even after treatment,” Yip says.
“Jesse! Don’t forget to make sure the stove’s off and the door’s locked,” I’d yell from the bedroom, after reluctantly tearing myself from the stove so I could make my way to bed. When he turned in for the night, I’d ask if he checked the stove, the door, and more. Sometimes exasperated but never cruel, he’d reassure me that he did check and, yes, the stove’s off and the door’s locked.
And almost without fail, my phone would buzz half an hour later with his one-word message: “Here.” If he forgot to text, or chose not to, or took a little longer than usual, panic would bubble up until I confirmed that he was safe. And during particularly stressful weeks , the reassurance seeking questions would flow freely, and Jesse was usually the one caught in their path.“I called my dad and he didn’t answer.
And responding to these sorts of compulsions in such a matter-of-fact way also reinforces them, in a way. It made me believe my questions were reasonable and valid, and made me constantly seek the temporary comfort that the reassurance provided. This can be tough given that your loved ones just want to do what they can to appease your OCD . In my case, my spouseto provide the reassurance that I was desperately seeking, since it often helped me feel better in the moment. But the best way for a loved one to respond to excessive reassurance seeking, according to Yip, is to respond vaguely. Yip says that phrases like, “I don’t know,” and, “Maybe you will, maybe you won’t,” are better replies.
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