Sara Gibbs' diagnosis at 30 changed everything
What they couldn’t have known, because I didn’t even know then, is that I am autistic. A fact I wouldn’t find out for another five years. I’d always thought I was different. I seemed to find life harder than everyone else. Growing up, my loved ones attributed those differences to me being wilfully difficult. My ‘tantrums’ meant I was labelled attention-seeking.
I met John when I was 22 and working in my first job. I was a fledgling copywriter, he was an IT manager at the same company. We had an argument about politics during a coffee break at my desk. I called him an idiot. He walked away smiling. It was love at first fight.As I got to know John, I started to realise how incredibly rare and special he was. No matter how extreme I was, nothing seemed to scare him away; he was funny and enormously caring. He always saw the best in me.
They didn’t even know the half of it; how John would book my GP appointments when I was too flustered to articulate myself. How sometimes I’d get so overwhelmed getting dressed that John would need to lay my clothes out for me. How occasionally I would cry and scream and hit my own head and have no idea why. I lived in fear of people finding out.
I decided to find out if she was right and, sitting in the clinical psychologist’s office with John, it felt like everything clicked into place. One of the biggest revelations was that I was disabled, and John, without knowing it but subconsciously doing it anyway, was my carer. It took a while to adjust to the ‘autistic’ label after a lifetime of wearing less compassionate ones. But once I had permission to accept the reality of the situation, it transformed our relationship.
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