“I have many friends now who have never known me as a single woman. When I mention the wilder years before, they seem incredulous. It’s dangerous, this gap between past perception and present reality,” writes lydiakiesling
Courtesy: Chioma Ebinama I kissed the man I would marry one night when I was not quite 23. We had been out at a bar in San Francisco where you could smoke, and then we went to his apartment and drunkenly ate stale bread and butter, and then we made out. I had known him for several months in a friendly way — we lived near one another — but a few days before the bread and butter I noticed, out of nowhere, an insistent desire to be near him.
In the 13 years since, we have lived in four different cities and seven different dwellings. We have two cats and two small children. He is 37, and I am 35, which is not old, but my period has gotten weird and I have to take Prilosec to keep acid from flooding into my esophagus. I have many friends now who have never known me as a single woman. When I mention the wilder years before, they seem incredulous. It’s dangerous, this gap between past perception and present reality. You insist you’ve been around the block, but it’s a block in a town you no longer recognize and the windows are boarded up.
Now that we have children, now that our relationship sometimes feels less like a romance than it does a small business involving spreadsheets, I understand how the monogamous, nuclear-family unit is a bourgeois entity, an impediment to social reform. I make myself laugh with retrograde analogies about what romantic commitment has meant to me: The tumult of girlhood flowed into the orderly irrigation channels of civilization.
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