We are not ignoring you. We are not putting you off or trying to avoid interactions with you. What we are doing is trying to manage our anxiety.
I was at a conference recently, chatting with two friends I’d know online for years but never met in person. They asked if wanted to go get something to eat, and I gave them a few false starts. I tried to figure out how to say no without coming across as a jerk. I was already feeling anxious because of the long flight I’d had that morning and all the social interaction I’d had most of the afternoon.
She said it jokingly, with a half smile. But at the same time, there was a little bite to it too. There always is when I turn down social interaction with friends. I’ve been faced with this situation enough times to know that whenever I have to step away from a social event because of my anxiety, or I have to cancel at the last moment because I can feel anxiety bubbling in stomach or I tell someone I can’t make it, and when they ask why, I’m too self-conscious to tell them I have anxiety.
I don’t know if that’s me being self-destructive about a condition I really wish I didn’t have, or if people are actually acting differently around me. But what I do know is that all of this has made me reluctant to tell someone I’m not hanging out with them because of my anxiety. It’s caused me to come up with a litany of ridiculous excuses. It’s caused me to fake headaches at family reunions and stomachaches at parties.
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