HolaPapi: 'I have entirely lost my connection with Christianity and the magical aspect of it. Whatever sense of spirit I had now feels like it’s been severed and can’t be regrown.' jpbrammer responds
Illustration: Pedro Nekoi I don’t know if you are the person to whom I should direct my question, but it feels queer in nature somehow and I’m not sure where to go for guidance. My question is this: do you think there is a way I can cultivate a belief in magic when I don’t currently believe in magic?
I don’t have any desire to reconnect with God or a church, but I wouldn’t mind catching up with some of the saints. Any ideas? I am open to anything and I do have a tarot deck.I’m so honored you came to me with this. I love that someone out there thought I was the first choice consultant for the “where can I find some magic” question. You make me feel like an old bruja in a thatch hut in the woods. Thank you, and I promise to continue cultivating that energy.
Let’s start with some working definitions. “Magic” means a lot of things to a lot of different people. While the word might conjure up backroom rituals, obscure herbs, and candles, it’s actually a lot broader than that. It’s hard to nail down, because by its very nature “magic” exists outside the sovereign of the concrete—science, math, and so forth. That’s probably why you associated it with queerness, which also chafes under the rigid confines of formal categorization.
To me, “magic” is simply my relationship to the unknown and my crude attempt at living with it. My reasons for getting out of bed in the morning, my love for my friends, my understanding of who I am—science and its compatriots can buttress my grasp on these things, but in the end they can’t fully explain them. I have been tasked with being the author here, a small god, and that authority is a joyful, terrifying thing.
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